Whole to Love


Deedee, my sister, invited me to her church for a special program three years ago. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship, the third in 18 months. I was quite depressed and so I just decided to get out of my house even if it meant going to some ‘religious program’. I thought it couldn’t be all that bad since my sister was married to one of the best guys in the world. Maybe my man was in the church too.

No. I didn’t meet “my man” there but I met Jesus and gave my life to him. After that, I spent my time praying and reading the bible. My personal favorites were 1Tim5:14 and psalm 37:4. I saw that the will of God was for me to get married and have children, so I prayed and claimed it day and night. God definitely saw my sincerity and faith and so decided to grant me my heart’s desire.

And boy was he fine. Unlike my exes, Biodun was kind, polite, rich and a Christian. I was on cloud 9. I was assured of God’s faithfulness. We spent a lot of time together, he would pick me up from work and my coworkers were certainly jealous. The only thing that would have made it better was for him to propose to me. So, I prayed to God about this and it looked like it was going to happen; only it didn’t. Around that time, Biodun got an opportunity to go abroad for some sort of program and if things went well, he’d probably get a job and settle down there. I was devastated because my supposed “Mr Right” was being taken from me. I broke up with him because I knew if I decided to wait for him, I’d most likely wait forever. This was very painful for me. Angry and disappointed, I felt God had failed me.

With tears in my eyes and my heart broken to pieces, alone in my room, I asked God why he let me get hurt again. As his child I was supposed to have all my heart desires. I didn’t get any answer right there but after I was all cried out and empty, God led me into the scriptures and opened my eyes to the fact that I was created for his pleasure, not the other way. His desire is for me to know him and know why he created me.
After this revelation, my spirit finally was at peace. I rededicated my life to Him and spent time with God not just for what I would get from Him this time around but for Him. I focused on my career, my friends, my family and just built myself to the point where even though I was single, I was settled and happy. During this period, Biodun and I remained friends.

After two years, Biodun returned to Nigeria. Instead of staying abroad, he had decided to come back and work in a branch of the company here. We agreed to meet with each other to catch up on things, so we went to a restaurant. We talked, generally at first then after some time he told me he wanted to get back together with me. He said he was back for good and would love for me to be his wife. I was very surprised but oh so excited.

I have been married for two weeks and now I understand why I had to wait. I needed to be made whole and stop looking for fulfillment in relationships. I had to mature in Christ and realize that only Him could fill the void in my heart.

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