To love and in whole


Bolu and I have known each other for eight years now. We met in the university fellowship and became fast friends; he was a supportive leader all through his tenure till his graduation when he left to serve in Katsina. One thing I loved about him was his intuition and ability to discern.  He always seems to know the right thing to do or say at every point in time, he was a natural people manager. He advised me on every important thing and to a large extent his opinions were always right and helpful. He really knew it all.

I was super excited when he proposed. He had shown me a lot of care during our university days and with time I developed feelings for him. I prayed about it and felt peace within me so I said yes. Within two years we were married. I was as happy as I could ever be within the first few months. Little did I know it was for a short time.

Things began heading south when I realized Bolu was bossier than I thought. He had an idea about everything and made a point to shove it in my face all the time, especially when it cost him something or annoyed him. He got so bad with time he that yelled whenever I did anything wrong or made mistakes. “Use a coaster with the furniture! Always turn off the light when you leave the room, Do not place your phone by the pillow at night” and many more. The larger the mistakes the louder it got. He treated me like a little sister he had an obligation to train. He sometimes apologized for over-reacting but I wasn’t happy about it.

I got really depressed and had to tread on eggshells in my own home, I was frustrated, confused and oblivious of what to do. I decided to go to the church marriage counsellor who advised me to pray about it and have a serious discussion with him afterwards. After dinner that night I approached, “Bolu do you love me?” he was shocked but answered however. He told me of how much he loved me and always grateful to have me as his wife. With that assurance, I told him of how I hated the yelling and constant corrections and I would love it if it could stop. He apologized and promised to put an end to it.

It didn’t stop. He relaxed for a while but things went back to normal in no time. I would cry sometimes and with time I joined the wagon and yelled back at him too. Then it got more serious.

One of those hot days, I was in the kitchen and had left our bedroom light on. He got back from work and saw it. “Ronke, how many times do I have to tell you to turn off the light when you are not in the room?” which initiated the normal charade. The whistle of the kettle created an excuse and I walked out. In anger I knocked the kettle off the cooker and it splashed on my toes. I squirmed in pain. I sat on the kitchen floor and cried for a while. At that point, I realized I wanted to enjoy my marriage rather than endure it, I couldn’t even make sense out of the cause of the fight. I decided at that point to be happy no matter what.

I became conscious of my environment, prayed to be more submissive rather than waiting for him to change, and obeyed his whatever corrections he made. I realized I had my part to play in ensuring the success of our marriage.

In short time, with God’s grace and Patience, I saw him loosen his grip on me when I stopped complaining or yell back. I guess he felt awkward to shout alone and it reduced with time. I realized he loved me but didn’t know the exact way to correct me. I love him too and I believe with patience and God’s guidance we will both sail in His love.

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